Is My Toddler Ready for Toilet Training?

By Dr. Noel Swanson. in Children on March 15th, 2008

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by Dr. Noel Swanson.

Toilet training often provokes great anxiety in parents. Many seem to see it as some sort of competition - the earlier they get their child potty trained the brighter their child must be, and the better they as parents must be. Total nonsense of course! Trying to potty train your child before he or she is ready is a recipe for frustration, frayed nerves, and traumatized children.

On the other hand, waiting until your child is genuinely ready makes the whole process a whole lot easier, happier, and less stressful. Does it really matter if your little Susie is trained three months later than your neighbors Cathy?

Every child is different, and that’s the beauty. Learn to cherish it. Most toddlers are not genuinely toilet trained before the age of two or three years though there are exceptions that may be toilet trained at 20 months. Moreover, as a rule, boys take longer to be potty trained than girls. Almost all children are toilet trained by the age of 4, though bedwetting continues till the age of 5 in about 10% kids. There is no need to be in haste. If you do that, you might have to face problems, such as soiling, that can last much longer.

So, in the interests of more peace at home, here are some guidelines on how to prepare your child for the great Potty Training Experience - and how to know when he or she is ready to start.

1. Before you start with potty training, it is important for your child to be familiar with the body parts, their functions, and the names you use as a family. Every family has its own names. So, it really doesn’t matter what names you give as long as everyone knows what they mean.

2. Despite concerns shown against it, I think it is a good idea to let your child witness you or other family member, preferably of the same sex, using the toilet. If you do it naturally, your child will get the idea that it is the natural thing to do. Contrary to some misconceptions, it will not traumatize your child. Talk about it as a grown-up thing to do. This will prepare your child for using a potty to begin with and then the big toilet. It instills a sense of anticipation since all toddlers want to do the things that grown-ups do. You can allow your child to flush the toilet to get used to the whole process.

3. Nearing the time for starting toilet training, get the potty out and leave it in a visible place. Then talk about it, telling your child what it is, and what it is for. But, don’t force them on it straightaway. Tell them they will be using it some day.

How to know when your child is ready for toilet training? Watch out for the following signs:

1. In order to help your child tell you when he is wet or dirty, you can point at the potty immediately after he urinated or had a bowel movement. And, in order to reinforce the idea of cleanliness and dryness, make sure you change the diaper as soon as possible, regardless of whether you spot it, or he tells you. Also, praise your child profusely when he comes and tells you that he needs a diaper change.

2. In the beginning, children find it difficult to physically manage the potty. They are not steady and might fall off. Also, they don’t get enough warning so there may be some accidents leading to frustration with getting to the bathroom and getting clothes off. If this is happening too often, it is better to wait another month or two.

3. See if your child can follow simple directions like taking a piece of tissue and throwing it into the toilet. If not, or if he refuses to do so, then you need to address that problem first.

4. Look out for signs of developing bowel and bladder control, such as clear patterns of bowel movements. If your child’s stools are firm and well formed, and he is able to stay dry for several hours at a time, he is ready for toilet training because he will be able to control himself long enough to get to the bathroom. However, don’t let the child strain to withhold; that can cause more serious problems. If your child experiences pain on passing a motion, you may have to change the diet to make the stool softer and easier to pass.

5. Above all, give a positive feeling about toilet to your child. He should look forward to the day when he can use a toilet like a grown up. It all depends on the preparatory work you have done. Some children have fears about flushing water etc, which will have to be addressed before starting the toilet training. You will need to make your child familiar with the toilet and let him practice sitting on the potty with clothes on. This will reassure him that he won’t disappear and get flushed away like the potty does.

If you have done your preparatory work well, you will not have much difficulty in toilet training your little toddler. Remember to praise success, but there should be no punishments for failures.

Good luck!

About the Author:

Tired of your toddler’s behavior problems? For tips on managing children’s behaviors and for help with toddler’s temper tantrums vist Dr. Noel Swanson’s website, and check out his hugely popular book, The GOOD CHILD Guide.