Reprinted Articles

Divorce can be a very traumatic event in a person’s life. Those who find themselves in a situation that leads to divorce feel betrayed, shocked, inferior, depressed, belittled and angered by what is happening. However, it is not wise to try and keep a relationship going if there is no hope and once every possible solution has been considered and discussed by you both.

It is especially important not to force yourself to try to make a failed marriage work “for the children”. Relationships end for reasons–usually that they weren’t the best ones to start with, although it’s also true that people can grow apart or one of them can just change so utterly that they aren’t who the other married any longer–and the best thing to do for the children in a divorce situation is to work it out in as much of a civilized way as is possible and be honest and rational with the children.

Unfortunately, many divorces are made far worse by one party being either vindictive or hostile; and even in a divorce where that is not the case, the first thing (possibly after child custody) that is going to be the target of interest is the money and the assets. In a way, a marriage is a business deal, and this business is now being broken up. So you need to understand how to navigate these possibly hostile waters and come out alright. For this you’ll need a strategy, and you’ll also need tactics. Neither is romantic, but both are necessary.

The strategies you put in place are ones which will help you to get what you want. If for example you are interested in getting the house completely or enough of the equity to help you make the transition more easily into a new life. Then it’s no good setting yourself up as the sacrificial lamb and allowing you partner to have whatever they want. It’s all well and good being nice, but it won’t help you in your divorce settlement and you just like your ex want justice and fairness. So you need to plan a strategy that ensures that you get what is rightfully yours.

Your tactics are the moves you are going to utilize and play out in order to realize your strategic goal. Having great tactics is like having a great chess game: they set you up to win, and they are intended to block or counteract any unjust or unfair moves made by your ex-spouse-to-be. They have to be well calculated; tactics are no place for overly emotional reactions, as that leaves you vulnerable. In the divorce situation, stresses can make a normally kind person into a vicious enemy who wants to take all that you feel belongs to you. You must never back down from you tactics unless they aren’t working.

If the divorce is going to be contested - because either of you does not accept what is happening, or you cannot agree a settlement that is fair then be prepared to wait a couple of years before the papers finally get signed. So when it comes to divorce don’t set your heart on getting the final settlement done with in a specific time period or by a specific date.

Make sure you consult a recommended or known divorce lawyer on all of your tactics and your divorce strategy. Again, while not romantic, divorce lawyers are usually a very important part of the divorce process.

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Tags: Marriage and Relationships